L is for...

Each of us, within, wields the most powerful weapon ever used against a fellow human being. That weapon can shatter a heart with a single coarse word. It can destroy self-identity or crush a future with a few careless accusations or doubts. It has an edge so razor-sharp it can instantly slice the very essence of who you are into writhing pieces.

It can stop a world.

That edge is double, however. Because that very same weapon, that very same razing power, can also with a single word brighten a universe. Or ignite a burnt-out soul. Breathe life into hopelessness and soothe the most debilitating pain.

Given the choice, which edge you use? Do you trust or doubt? Do you accuse or believe? Do you run or stand up? Do you feed the dark or bask in the light?

You control the weapon. Use it wisely.

Oh, the weapon’s name? You figure it out. It starts with an L.

Frosted Flakes are a Bitch.

Frosted Flakes are a bitch.

Yeah, last time it was Pop Tarts nowit’s Frosted Flakes. Told you I have trouble with SIMPLE things. And it doesn’t—or shouldn’t—come much simpler than cereal boxes. I remember when I was a little kid cereal boxes were fun. There’s not only the colorful characters and cool little doo-dads, but there’s all that SUGAR. Yum.

But when you’re a little kid someone else opens the box. Or more accurately the pouch inside the box. And that pouch? It ain’t so grrrrrrrrrrreat.

Pull gently, we’re told. Yeah, right, that works. Maybe before they started frickin’ super-gluing the pouches shut. It’s a war zone inside those boxes, I’m telling you. Pull, yank, jerk, use your teeth…the pouch wins. Because you know what happens? The seal doesn’t break, the side does and suddenly it’s a conflagration of Frosty Flakes. My niece thinks that little battle is incredibly funny. I fail to see they humor in it.

Get the scissors, someone says? Oh, don’t even go there. Do you know how much damage I can do with those??? I mean, really, sharp objects don’t belong anywhere near me.

And Count Chocula is no better so don’t think that little brown deviant is getting off the hook. I’m pretty sure the conspiracy stretches across all the yummy-tasting cereals. Fiber One? Oh, yeah, THOSE you can get into. Bran Flakes? No problem. Quaker Oats? Yep, the creepy Quaker guy’s got it goin’ on.

But Tony the Tiger…HE’S an open invitation to grinding cereal bits into the carpet and fishing them out of your boxers for three days. He’s evil, I’m pretty sure. Really evil.

So join with me. Assert your rights. Demand easy-open bags. Petition that striped degenerate. Send threatening letters to Count Chocula. Tell Lucky his luck is about to run out if he doesn’t get his charms in order. And Captain Crunch…welllllll, don’t even ask me about THAT little weirdo. Make breakfast fun again.

Thank you and good crunch…

Halloween Book Buying

Halloween is quickly approaching, so I'd like to ask any of you thinking about book buying for the witching season to please consider giving one of my horror novels a try. If you like an old-fashioned pulpy horror tale of witches and demons, there's

GRIMM by Howard Hopkins

http://www.amazon.com/Grimm-Howard-Hopkins/dp/1430306947/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-7988278-1561742?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189971080&sr=1-1

Or Stephen Kingish horror with NIGHT DEMONS

http://www.amazon.com/NIGHT-DEMONS-Howard-Hopkins/dp/1430318708/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/102-7988278-1561742?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189971080&sr=1-2

Or if you enjoy short tales of horror and ghosts my short story/novella anthology, DARK HARBORS

http://www.amazon.com/Dark-Harbors-Howard-Hopkins/dp/1430317167/ref=tag_dpp_lp_edpp_ttl/102-7988278-1561742?ie=UTF8&qid=1189971080&sr=1-2

And don't forget the kids! For a safe horror series for kids 8 and up there's my THE NIGHTMARE CLUB #1: THE HEADLESS PAPERBOY

http://www.amazon.com/Nightmare-Club-Headless-Paperboy/dp/1430306904/ref=pd_rhf_p_5/102-7988278-1561742?ie=UTF8&qid=1189971080&sr=1-2

And last but not least if you enjoy a little western with your fear, there's my ripper/western PISTOLERO and my vampire/Western THE DARK RIDERSEach comes with my fear-back guarantee--if they don't spook you I'll come to your house and scare the crap outta you personally! ;{)

--Howard

THE DARK RIDERS by Howard HopkinsThe West, where men were men, women were women and the outlaws were...vampires!
Trade paperback from: http://www.bn.com & http://www.amazon.com
Homepage: http://www.howardhopkins.com

Pop Tarts from Hell

Anyone else here have trouble with the stupidest things? I mean things that nobody else would have a problem with, such as…

Pop Tarts.

Raspberry Pop Tarts

I had my ass kicked by a raspberry Pop Tart, I am ashamed to admit (and no I don’t mean some young redhead I met on a street corner in the dead of night. Well, not this time, at any rate.)

I don’t know what it is but I can’t get a Pop Tart out of the toaster once it’s in there. I can’t even get it in the toaster right in the first place. It always slides down past the wire. And of course by the time you have it in there you are committed to toasting the little bugger.

Which compounds the problem, because when you try to get it out it is not only jammed it is frickin’ hot and a hell of a lot more pliable.

Six pieces, twenty-thousand crumbs and four burn spots later…I got it out. I am wondering, was it worth it? I mean, it’s not like they are gourmet pastries or anything. They don’t have a hell of a lot on Danish Swirls and THOSE come out of the toaster in one piece.

Oh, FYI: tongs do not belong in the toaster, no matter how pretty all those sparkly little thingies are. Those sparkly thingies bite and turn you, well, um, dead. They don’t really help much anyway, because Pop Tarts have an inbred fall-to-pieces defense against them, but take my word for it, guns don’t kill people, toasters do…