Break a Leg...

Today’s Dark Bits comes with an adult content warning. And a warning that, yes, sex can be dangerous…

Ok, you were warned.

In some of my blogs I mentioned spending some time living at my doctor uncle’s place. His medical office was part of the house, in fact took up most of the basement. And as a kid that was always sort of like walking through death row…with all those awful doctor offices smells that raise your blood pressure 50 points. So while living there occasionally patients wandered to one of the upper level doors, instead of the office door. I got to see a number of them led through the house and of course emergency calls would come in during off hours.

I live in a small seaside town that caters a lot to Canadian and out-of-state tourists in the summer. Our population expands by double or more during the season. So it was inevitable one of those tourists would have a medical problem. Even a peculiar one.

So one day the phone rings and a tourist from Quebec, who spoke limited English, tries to explain an emergency medical problem to my aunt, who was my uncle’s nurse. Now, I can see my aunt’s face as she is taking the call. Normally, you would expect anything from sympathy to shock to even that stoic nothing-to-panic-about expression. But instead I see a smirk. The longer the call goes, the wider the smirk becomes. And I can tell she is having a hard time not bursting out laughing.

Which she did after she hung up. For a good ten minutes.

An hour later the patient had come and gone and plenty of laughter came from the kitchen where the adults had gone to discuss the poor devil’s emergency condition. We young’uns had been exiled to the living room…but I could still hear (doctors take note: never wise to leave your stethoscope lying around with nosy kids…)

Seems this poor guy’s girlfriend was having a particularly frisky day. A monkey love kinda day. As the saying goes, there’s no bone in boner, but this poor guy was convinced his girlfriend had broken his joystick during, well, whatever it was they were doing. I lost some of the conversation when my mom banged a fist on the door and nearly shattered one of my eardrums.

He also had a pretty good bruise on the side of his forehead. God knows where THAT came from. And a few scratches. I thought he must have a cat…

I’m guessing the guy with the wiltin’ willie didn’t see any humor in the situation. His girlfriend had a funny smile on her face, but also a bit of “oh, crap” in her eyes as well. I assume he lived to monkey love another day, but as a kid I felt kinda like walking around bow-legged for the next week or so just thinking about it. I guess there are reasons kids are excluded from certain conversations.

The lesson in all this? Not a clue other than maybe where a helmet…

And I wonder: do they make splints for…ah, nevermind